Jealousy inside a relationship normally falls into one of two categories:  abusive jealousy and ordinary, insecurity-driven jealousy.  You can identify an abusively jealous relationship by observing your partner’s behavior:  does he or she demand to check your cell phone records?  Does he or she scream at you, threaten you, or even hit you when you come home from hanging out with your friends?

Does he or she oppressively restrict your activity?  If so, you should seriously consider getting out of that relationship, and it may take a great deal of courage and support from your friends as well as domestic violence agencies in your area to help.

On the other hand, the insecurity-driven jealousy does not need to cause the end of a relationship; in fact, addressing it properly can lead to a period of intimacy and deep trust between the two of you.

First, recognize that when your partner is jealous of the attention that you lavish on your friends, he or she is wishing and hoping to be equally important to you.  You may think that you show your partner a lot of affection, but perhaps he or she needs just a bit more than you naturally give.  Intentionally show him or her your affection in meaningful ways.  For example, if your partner feels the most love through spending time together, schedule a date night once a week for just the two of you to hang out together.

Second, whenever possible, invite your partner to spend time with you and your friends.  Plan a dinner party, a game night, or an evening at the comedy club, in which your partner can develop his or her own friendships with your friends.  Similarly, if offered, agree to spend time with his or her friends as well.  In doing so, the two of you will begin to understand and feel comfortable with the other’s friendships.

Third, when you do want to spend time alone with your friends, make sure to communicate two things to your partner:  your love and your concrete plans for your time apart.  For example, text your partner once or twice during the evening, such as, “Movie was great—laughed my head off.  Having a cup of coffee now.  Love you tons.  See you around midnight.”  Although you may feel that your partner should not make you check in, if you do so voluntarily, it will ease his or her mind and cause less insecurity.  Then, when you come home, you find someone who has been confidently waiting for you rather than someone who has been worrying intently that you may have found someone more interesting or attractive to spend time with.