Involving your child in decisions can be a powerful way to develop her independence and self-confidence, because it shows her that you—an adult—value her opinion.  The following principles should help you maximize your opportunities to let your child help in decision-making.

First, make sure that you only ask your child’s opinions in situations where you will honestly consider her thoughts.  For example, asking your child what you should make for dinner is a very low-risk situation in which you could potentially agree with and act upon any idea she has.  On the other hand, asking her which job you should take out of the three that are offered to you is a situation in which you may not feel comfortable taking her opinion seriously.  If you ask for your child’s input and then ignore it, it shows her that you didn’t really value it anyway and were only asking as a formality.

Second, once you have asked for your child’s opinions, ask for her help in implementing it.  For example, if your child has said, “Let’s have baked potatoes for dinner,” ask for her help in picking out toppings that all the family members will like.  Not only does this strategy help her feel valued, but it also enhances her problem-solving skills and resourcefulness.

Finally, once you and your child have worked through a certain decision-making task enough times, give her the freedom to make that decision without your consultation.  This step towards independence may take a long time to develop, so be patient while the skills develop.  To return to the dinner example, after consulting her many times on what to make for dinner, how to make it, and what to buy for it, you may ask her to cook one meal a week of her choosing and to add whatever ingredients she needs to the family grocery list.  In this way, she will develop a sphere of independence in a safe, confidence-building way, which will help her feel prepared to face the world as she reaches young adulthood.